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De monolog

From the beginning, the exhibition should present the idea of dispassion, which I have been striving for over the last year. During this time, I have grappled with my passions and attempted to control my emotions, dividing my inner world into two parts: light and darkness. I strive to recognize these two aspects and conquer the darkness.

This is why the title of the exhibition is “De monolog(ist).” At first glance, it may be associated with a monologue, but with the right emphasis, it reads as “demonOlogist,” signifying a person who studies evil. In this case, I refer to my own negative and dark sides.

Despite my efforts to maintain balance and consideration, I reached a breaking point on the last day of the exhibition. The issue is that, during the creative process, I always envision what the audience will perceive at first glance and what impression they will gain. I contemplate if the colors and forms convey the intended message and if the rhythms and tempos create the desired “music.” I strive to be objective. However, at one moment, I suddenly realized that these thoughts had taken on a life of their own, becoming a separate entity within me that commented on others.

It dawned on me how much I had drifted from my original intent and how much my will had been suppressed and rendered powerless. It will be challenging for me to articulate the storm that erupted within me, but it annihilated everything I had created. A struggle ensued between me and this third-person entity, a battle I may not have won, but I certainly uncovered. I managed to establish direct contact with my work.

Thus, the exhibition transformed into something to communicate not to the audience but to myself. The title took on a monologue in a peculiar manner.

Hakob Balayan


09.february – 09.march

NPAK, 2024